Originally written on July 28th, 2014
Seven years ago today was one of the worst days of my life. I remember clearly sitting in the living room at a friend's house literally wondering how to go on. Seven years ago today I was supposed to get married....or so I thought. God had plans beyond what I could ever imagine, and so today I celebrate: not the pain that the experience brought, but God's faithfulness that shone through it.
Very happily married to the man of my dreams and coming up to our first wedding anniversary, I can't help but reflect on two of God's promises.
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a
joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has
planted for his own glory. Isaiah 61:3
"Beauty for ashes"...what a promise. I had been left by the man I had given my heart to. I closed off my heart and became cynical and hardened. Ashes. Mourning. Despair. Little did I know that God would take the burned and charred landscape of my life and resurrect something beautiful.
I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the
hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among
you. Joel 2:25
"Restore the years the locusts have eaten". Restore. At first glance it can look like God is promising to give back time that has been lost. However, I had to consider some other implications. God is not bound by time and while we as humans are, I have to ask myself how God promises to give us something back that is clearly linear. When locusts go through a crop, they leave behind devastation.....drought.....death. Seven years ago that's exactly what I felt, and I felt that for the next several years. Through such grace and healing, God did indeed restore those years. While the first meaning of "restore" means "to give back", another definition is "to return [something] to an earlier or original condition by repairing it, cleaning it, etc." Original condition. No more devastation; in it's place is lush oasis. No more drought; in it's place a river of life overflowing with grace. No more death; in it's place life, lived in the abundance that our Savior died for. When God says 'restore' He's going to bring back the original beauty. Not only that, when God takes on a DIY project, His comes out better than the original. Take His word!
God does not make it seem as though it never happened, but he raises up the great oak out of the ashes. He restores the former beauty......perfectly. Those experiences definitely shape us, but God is faithful. Today as I consider my ashes and the years that the locust ate, I rejoice. I don't rejoice over a broken engagement. I rejoice over God's faithfulness. I rejoice over His restoration. I rejoice over abundant life. Yes, today I celebrate the anniversary of the ashes.
Originally written in Spring of 2012
We've all heard the sayings "A mistake is an opportunity for creativity." "Turn your obstacles into opportunities." Perhaps many of these can be summed up by the realization that the unexpected can bring opportunities for reflection. We never plan to make a mistake and seldom choose to run into an obstacle, but such unexpected things are part of life. We can then choose to reflect on one of two things: why the situation is unfair, not right, and question "why." Or, we can reflect on our next step, what the lesson might be, or perhaps simply take a minute to recognize the beauty of the act of reflection itself. The lesson of the unexpected has come home to me recently in little humorous ways and ways that are much bigger.
In the middle of October, an unexpected health complication took me to the emergency room. While this event was not critical, it brought to light further concerns. These concerns and further unexpected developments at what seemed like every turn, turned something minor into a long ordeal. Tests and more tests. Scans and more scans. Days turned into weeks. Two surgeries later, it was easy to get frustrated over the how long this had dragged out, the inactivity forced on me, and the time recovery was taking. And while in the midst of this recovery, I faced yet other "unexpected's."
My next unexpected came through the simple decision to put up a Christmas tree. This will be the third season I've spent here and yet it will be the first that I've put up a tree. So, I went and picked up my tree, set it up and "fluffed" the branches. I had more or less decided to decorate it in white and silver. I hung a few bulbs to "test" my color scheme: satisfactory. So, I went about the ribbon garland. I've done these before and thought nothing of it as I started wrapping silver-laced ribbon around my new tree. I had gotten about half done and was hitting my physical limit for the day, due to my continuing recovery, and stood back to survey my work. Hit with the unexpected: my beautiful silver and white, sparkling Christmas tree appeared to have been TP'd. Instead of the elegance I expected from the white ribbon, what I saw was something quite reminiscent of toilet paper wrapped about the branches, not unlike those in front of the homes you see that have "been hit." I hadn't really stopped to consider that white ribbon might have that quality. As someone who likes to have things planned out, I wasn't ready for it to look like that. However, I decided that, since I was hitting my limits anyway, this was the opportunity to step back and reflect on what I wanted to do next.
Reflection is the opportunity to makes choices based on where you've been, where you are, and where you're headed. There will be times when this reflection will take one in a direction other than what we thought, but progress necessitates change. While reflecting during my recovery, I felt the tug on my heart to make a major career change. I was removed from what I'm used to and love, and moved into an exciting new season of my life. I left a comfortable position to pursue the fulfillment of a vision and desire. Reflection is often the perfect means to slow down and quiet our hearts enough to feel the leading and pull that may be present, and that we would not feel otherwise. My TP'd Christmas tree was the opportunity to take a minute and evaluate where I was headed; flexibility and a willingness to listen allowed me to learn from the unexpected, change directions, and create something, the beauty of which makes me smile every time I see it.
And so, the next time something unexpected happens, reflect instead of reacting. Take a minute to feel the tug on your heartstrings and acknowledge the unrecognized dreams. Whether the result is as big as making a career change or as small as changing the color of the ribbon on the Christmas tree, it will be worth the time and the effort. Life is about the journey and the journey is best made with plenty of reflection.
